Modern life moves fast. Never before have there been so many distractions and needs requiring our attention. Life has limitless demands, just balancing between work, home, and family takes hard work. Many of us tend to feel like our lives are like a walk on the tightrope.

The balancing never stops, and neither does the fear or anxiety of falling. Getting out of your head becomes harder as we fall farther into our rhythms, and too many of us get used to living our lives in these emotionally strained and defensive positions.

Our emotional states pour over into our sex lives. If you struggle to be in the moment, you are not alone. Maybe you can’t set aside your day or the things you need to be doing long enough to be present with your partner. Stuck in your head with the bills, chores, workload, children, and more looming over you, it’s no wonder that you can’t relax enough to feel in the mood.

How do I get out of my head and be in the moment?

There is no fast or instant solution that will fix your problems, but the mindfulness solution I propose will start helping right away. Like improving your physical health or learning a new skill, mindfulness and related practices take time to master.

Don’t be discouraged if you struggle, and don’t treat yourself like a failure if it doesn’t click into place right away.

Mindfulness practices are all over the internet and are becoming part of daily life for more people every day, and for a good reason—the evidence supporting the effects of it continues to grow.

Mindfulness has been shown to positively affect life satisfaction, work satisfaction, help with acceptance and self-love. Sexual mindfulness may not be talked about as much, but it is just as important. Bringing mindfulness into multiple areas of your life will create the biggest impact and your sexual satisfaction and life overall. We’ll discuss some of the principles of mindfulness as they relate to sex and encourage you to try to apply them in a more general sense to your life.

Make time for a mindful moment.

Adding a mindful moment or two throughout your day is a small way to incorporate the practice into your daily life. A mindful moment can be scheduled or improvised, set a timer, or the next time you feel stress boiling over to the brim, take one. Set aside a few minutes to do a small exercise.

A mindful moment might include a few minutes of controlled breathing, meditation, or focusing on loving gratitude for something or someone important to you. When we are busy or distracted, we will most often resist setting aside even a few minutes to decompress or to appreciate. These are the moments when we need mindfulness most.

As you progress in your mindful practice, expand it, and establish some routine for daily mindfulness. Women who meditate regularly are also shown to have better sex lives. Examples of good mindfulness daily mindfulness activities: Meditation, yoga, breathing exercises, practicing loving gratitude, body scans, and nature walks.

The mindful brain can lead to mind-blowing sex.

Being trapped in your head means you are living in the past or the future, but you are not present. Either you are worrying about something that has already happened and are letting it hold you down, or you are fretting about what hasn’t yet come.

For those who experience performance anxiety, mindfulness can help you leave your worries at the door, letting the experience flow, unblocked by constant fear. As you master mindfulness in daily activities, you’ll find it easier to stay focused in all situations, including sex. Use mindfulness exercises before or during sex to enhance relaxation and physical presence.

For example, meditating for ten to fifteen minutes after getting home from work can help you set your day aside. Allowing you to relax while at home, so if things get intimate, the chances that you are present in the moment instead of thinking about the report you have to prepare in the morning are much better. If you want, check out this practical and full-length “Guide to Meditation” by Headspace, currently available on Netflix.

New to mindfulness? Check out this short video on the practice.

What is mindful sex?

The term mindful sex describes many different actions and activities you undertake with the goal of being in the present moment. Mindfulness emphasizes focusing on bodily sensation, both to anchor the mind in the present and helps realign the body and mind.

Like there are many ways you can be mindful during the workday, there are just as many ways you can practice mindful sex.

Here are just a few examples:

  • Incorporate body scans and breathing exercises into your foreplay. Scanning your body and focusing on the sensation of touch will make you more aware of what each slight touch does and of what you like and don’t like.
  • Limit senses such as sight with blindfolds to force the body to rely more on other senses, like touch.
  • Taking moments of loving appreciation for your partner and the time you get to spend together will bring your connection to the forefront of your mind.
  • Meditate together naked, side by side, or back to back, for ten minutes, focusing on each other.
  • Instead of jumping right to it when you finally get some time alone, take the time to do a mindful exercise together, like taking a short walk or doing controlled breathing exercises. Doing exercises like this will strengthen your bond and bring it to the front of both of your minds.
  • Create a setting suitable for romance and sex. The proper lighting, music, scents, and scene can do wonders to add presence at the moment and make sex special.

Take the pressure off.

The process of becoming mindful and unwinding yourself- especially if you’re naturally tense and have trouble relaxing- will take time, and it can become frustrating when you can’t get it to work.

Remove “should” from your vocabulary. Thinking that you should feel this way or that way will only mislead you and create expectation and pressure.

Thoughts like, “I should be able to get out of my head during sex,” “I should orgasm more easily,” “I should be more sexually curious.” The list goes on. All of this is self-defeating. All you should seek to do is accept yourself for who you are without judgment.

Part of the pressure of sex, what’s called the “orgasmic imperative,” places stress on both people not only to make their partner orgasm but have an orgasm themselves as well. Seeing the orgasm as the ultimate end to sex and anything short of that as failure will ruin your sex life.

It is okay if you don’t orgasm every time you have sex, focus more on the physical sensation and being present in the experience.

This will lead to a stronger mind-body connection, a better sense of what turns you on and what kinds of things you respond to. Developing this sensual aspect of the experience through repeated practice of mindful sex will get you out of your head and continually improve the experience of sex.

Tap into sensuality before sexuality

Before becoming sexual, linger in the sensual realm, whether you’re alone or with a partner. Everything in life is about the journey more than the destination. It is our desires that propel us toward our goals. Just as efficient workers know, harnessing your desire and focusing on it creates want and drive. Not only that, sensuality is critical for living an enriching and fulfilling life, not only for getting the most out of sex but also for finding meaning and joy in experiences.

Think of things that inspire the senses.

Light candles to set the scene. Spend time with each other; sex shouldn’t always be a rush -though that can be a lot of fun too. Give each other massages and take time and care in exploring each other. Focus on the feelings and emotions that arise when you take time. The more you’re in your body before sex starts, the easier it will be to get into your body during sex.

Sensuality refers to the experiences relating to the bodily senses. This is different from the intellect or spirit. In a more specific sense, it refers to physical or sensory pleasure, which is not necessarily sexual. Sex is also a sensual experience, but you should prepare yourself by getting more in touch with your body and senses to make the most of it.

Some examples of sensual experiences are:

  • Having dinner together at a special place, or with food that means something special to you both, is an easy way to find that bond that brought you together in the first place. Taking the time to date your partner will remind you what connects you to them, what attracts you to them and creates desire.
  • Watching a sunset or taking a nature walk together engages sight and brings appreciation for the moment and the ability to be there together.
  • Taking a warm bath together entices sight, sound, touch, and smell. Washing each other and taking time to appreciate one another will ease you into the sexual mood, allowing you to get out of your head and into your body through the steady build-up of anticipation and desire.
  • Massage each other and engage the sense of touch. Not only will it relax both of you, but it will also bring you both into your bodies.
  • Listen to the soundtrack of your love – the songs that played when you met, or when you got married, or that you sing to each other when you’re feeling frisky.
  • Surrounding the bed with sweet candles or a favorite perfume can help create a setting built for intimacy by tempting smell and sight.

Let sex be just about your pleasure sometimes.

When we feel too much responsibility for our partner’s pleasure, it’s essential to learn to get a little selfish and take time to receive. Shown to improve your self-confidence and your sex life, a little selfishness goes a long way. Don’t feel like you owe something in return. Don’t think about how much time it’s taking or whether your partner is tired. Just relax and let yourself be the center of attention.

Mindfulness for sex takes practice and commitment.

When we have gotten used to living life in particular rhythms of habits. To say it’s hard to break them is an understatement. Living inside your head for years makes it a well-ingrained habit that is hard to break. Our habits don’t change overnight, and neither do our ways of thinking.

Mindful sex can help you break free of those daily grinds and enter the present, creating a more fulfilling relationship and life. Slowing down and taking the time to get in touch with your feelings has a rippling effect throughout your life. After all, don’t we all want to live deeply and experience life’s richness with the ones we love?

Many couples experience differing sexual drives. Although natural and entirely normal, the experience can be frustrating and confusing, especially if your drives have always seemed to “match.” Why does libido change, and what can be done to get your joint sexual desires back on the same path? Well, many things, actually. Unlike some human characteristics, our sex drive is not set in stone. But first, it is important to take a moment to dig into why libido changes and how mental blockers we put on ourselves may lead to a chronic sexual downturn.

It’s Common

Libido ebbs and flows throughout our lives for many reasons. Life events and changes, including childbirth, stress, the natural aging process, body image concerns, medication changes, and various medical and mental health conditions, can all contribute to changes in sexual desire. In most cases, changes in sex drive have nothing to do with our partner or how much we desire our partner. A study conducted in 2015 noted as many as 80% of couples experienced a “desire discrepancy” with their partner in the last thirty days.

It is also very important to remember that mismatched libido is not a gender-specific challenge. Despite common misconceptions, it is not male partners who consistently have elevated libidos and female partners with low libido. The roles can easily be reversed for any of the above reasons and more. According to sex therapist Gina Shapiro, in approximately 60% of the couples she sees, women have a higher sex drive than their male partners.

It is essential to communicate openly with your partner about why your mood may be low so they understand you aren’t rejecting them or diminishing their desire for intimacy.

It’s Manageable

Fluctuating or mismatched sex drives are not a signal that all is lost. According to sex therapist Janet Brito, if you are willing to work together as a couple by talking openly and compromising, you can still find common ground. The most important thing, says Los Angeles area sex therapist Jamila Dawson, is “to know that it doesn’t mean there’s a problem with either person in the relationship. Rather, it’s a more general imbalance that can be improved through experimentation, collaboration, and working together.”

How to Manage Mismatched Sex Drives

When ignored or left unaddressed, mismatched sexual desire can create unnecessary tension in your relationship. Often, the partner with a higher libido suffers from reduced self-esteem from repeated rejection. In contrast, the lower libido partner feels overwhelmed and discouraged when they fear they cannot live up to their partner’s needs and expectations. Below are some tips from the team at Vibeplanet and sex therapists across the nation you can use to help remove mental blockers and increase libido.

Don’t define your whole relationship by sex

There is more to a loving, lasting relationship than physical intimacy. Work with your partner to ensure these aspects of your relationship are given equal importance. Consider non-physical aspects of your relationship, such as watching a movie, cuddling, eating together, or going for a walk.

It is important to value your partner for reasons other than sex. When sex is the sole focus, the lower libido partner may feel undervalued or worry that the great things in your relationship, other than sex, are less important. Incorporating non-physical joy into your relationship can reduce the feeling that your relationship is built on sex.

Some sexologists suggest the higher libido partner make a conscious effort to appreciate and acknowledge not only their partners sexual boundaries but their non-sexual qualities too.

Expand your definition of sex

Sex is not solely defined by physical penetration. Sex and sexual intimacy can be anything you as a couple wants it to be. Kissing, holding hands, oral sex, sex toys, BDSM; whatever increases sexual interest and elevates your desire for intimacy and connection. If the person with the higher libido can compromise to meet the sexual desires of the person with the lower libido, both can get what they want out of a sexual encounter.

Focus on quality over quantity

A healthy sexual relationship does not mean having sex nightly or even every other night. It is not uncommon for the craving for more frequent sex to arise out of a hidden and unmet need. Finding alternative ways to connect intimately with your partner, such as non-sexual intimate touch and affection. Simple connections like these can help validate that you are loved by your partner and help both partners realize they may need sex less often than they thought.

Start dating each other again

Remember how intense the spark and connection were when you first started dating? As relationships progress, thoughts on sex can change. Take the time out of your day-to-day schedules to be with each other like you used to. This can help improve your sexual appetite and interest as you call to memory all the reasons why you desired each other to begin with.

Schedule sex

Consider when you are the most energetic. For some people, it is first thing in the morning whereas for others it may be evenings. Try to find a time during the day where both partners feel equally (or nearly equally) energetic and make the time for intimacy. Sometimes the anticipation that accompanies “scheduled sex” can create sensual tension and increase sexual desire.

Incorporate pleasure into everyday life. Engage in “foreplay before foreplay”

On average, sexual intercourse lasts for approximately five minutes. If sex itself is the only element of your intimate relationship you focus on, you are not giving attention to many more desire-enhancing opportunities. Psychotherapist Esther Perel notes that foreplay begins at the end of the last orgasm. It is important to incorporate elements of foreplay into moments with your partner outside the bedroom as well. Making pleasure part of your whole day, instead of just a few moments, makes the body and mind more ready for sexual pleasure according to sexologist Vanessa Muradin.
Consider all aspects of a sexual encounter with your partner, from foreplay to intimacy afterward. When you consider the entire sexual process, you are more likely to feel satisfaction with each sexual encounter.

Talk things over candidly

Communication is a vital aspect to all parts of a relationship-sex included. If you struggle with a sex drive mismatch, it is even more important to actively communicate and work together on ways you can enhance your sexual connection that meets both of your needs. Remember, things will not always be perfect, and your libidos may not always coincide; however, if you keep an open mind and work together with understanding and empathy, aligning a mismatched libido can be something to work towards together instead of something that drives you apart.

Vanessa Muradin enforces the importance of communication between partners. “How you treat each other, how you support each other, and listen to one another, that matters to them feeling attracted and safe with another person.” Deeper, open, and honest communication can lead to deeper feelings of sexual desire.

Seek professional help

If you have tried the above, and things still don’t seem to click, consider contacting a sex therapist. A therapist can listen to both points of view and provide insight and suggestions that you can follow to get things back in line. A trained therapist may also be able to pinpoint the root of some underlying issues that may be contributing to your desire discrepancy.

A mismatched libido does not spell the end to a long, loving, and passionate relationship. Mismatched libidos and sexual differences are common aspects of many relationships, especially those that have stood the test of time. Removing mental blocks that lead two sexual frustration makes it possible to bring the sexual fire back into your relationship.

There are many important conversations you’ll have with your kids as a parent. Unfortunately, it seems the most important conversations are often the hardest, especially when it comes to sex, a topic that isn’t often discussed openly. These conversations can be awkward, and it’s normal if you’re a bit apprehensive about them. However, you can discuss buying sex toys and teens and sex toys in a healthy and productive manner if you treat the subject of teenager’s sex toys right.

Should I Buy My Kid A Sex Toy?

If your teenager has expressed interest in trying a sex toy, then go ahead. Even if your teen hasn’t brought it up, you can start a conversation to determine if it’s right to buy a sex toy.

For those parents who don’t understand why someone would buy sex toys for teens, remember that:

  • Solo exploration is often safer than partnered play. 
  • Masturbation helps people learn about their bodies and tastes without pressure.
  • Conversations about sexuality and even buying sex toys can encourage education.
  • There’s no connection between teen vibrators and sex. In fact, your child may know they’re not ready for partnered sex, even if they’re sexually curious.

What is the correct age for it?

Most parents know there is no universal age for anything. It all depends on your teen’s maturity level. The same is true for teens and vibrators or other sex toys. Some kids become aware of their sexuality well before their teen years, while others discover that side of themselves later. You’ll need to make that call.

There are some guidelines to follow. First, if your teen asks about sex toys or for you to buy sex toys, be willing to answer their questions, even if that means scheduling the conversation for a later date if you need to research first. It’s also a good time to discuss sex toys if you’ve discovered a sex toy or an object such as an electric toothbrush that your child might use for sexual pleasure.

You can broach the subject of sex toys after seeing them on TV or make that moment happen by choosing a movie that discusses sex toys or vibrators for teens. Otherwise, many teens are mature enough to have the conversation by age 15 (or even earlier!), even if they’re not of legal age to buy sex toys.

Ideally, you’ve already discussed sexuality with your teen, who may have discovered the joy of self-stimulation as a toddler.

However, many parents struggle to recognize that their children are sexual and have to play catchup. There isn’t just one “sex talk.” It’s always a series of age-appropriate conversations.

What to do if you have found sex toys in your teen’s room

First and foremost, don’t freak out. Some parents make a big deal by placing the teenage sex toy in an obvious location or ambushing their child, who may already feel guilt about masturbating, about what they’ve found. But that’s not how you get them to open up. So leave the teen sex toy be, and discuss it later.

Of course, you might wonder how your teen got this toy and if they’re using it safely, so it’s smart to discuss teen vibrators rather than avoiding the topic of teens and sex toys.

Tips On How To Talk To Your Teenager About Vibrators

When talking to your teenager about other sex toys, your conversation should be a two-way street like most important conversations you’ll have with them. You can provide them with information, but it’s just as important to make space to ask questions about using or buying sex toys and talk about their feelings.

Be Sex Positive

Hopefully, you have a history of satisfying sex, so you’ll know the many benefits of sex and masturbation. Remember that sexual curiosity is natural. Your teen may have been curious about their body for years.

Share your own stories, both good and bad. Did you receive the information you needed to make the right decisions about relationships or sex, or do you have regrets and want to help your teen avoid the same? You can gloss over the details, but you’re both human beings!

Normalize Sexuality in Subtle and Ongoing Ways

The “sex talk” is really an ongoing discussion, with each conversation opening the door to future ones. You may not cover every aspect of teens and vibrators, and that’s okay. Still, you want to ensure the basics are covered so you can discuss more in the future.

Normalize sexuality in your daily life by using sexuality in media as talking points, not responding negatively. If you hear someone being sex-negative, explain why this isn’t helpful. Let your teen see your romantic relationships as loving and sexual so that she will expect the same herself.

Be Easy Going

The best talks about sex, whether between a parent and child or two partners, are low-pressure. If you’re not sure how to bring up sex or a teen sex toy try the following.

  • I saw something in your bedroom, and while it’s totally normal to want to explore your sexuality, I want to make sure you’re safe and healthy.
  • I’m not sure if this would interest you, but some of your peers might be experimenting with sexuality. You can explore by yourself if that’s something you’re interested in.
  • I was just wondering if you had any questions about sex or even masturbation? It’s more common for teens like yourself to use sex toys.

Your child may be surprised or not open to talking yet. Let them know that they don’t have to say anything; you just want to give them some basic advice such as using toys safely, with lube, choosing body-safe materials, and cleaning them thoroughly, especially if you’ve already found a young sex toy. Let your child know they can come to you with any questions.

Know when to back off. They may not be ready to talk about vibrators or may only want to hear information and not ask or answer any questions. It’s important not to badger your teenager.

Answer Any Questions

After providing information, let your teen know that you’re open to questions. Be honest that you don’t have all the answers but are willing to look them up. You could even research together or provide resources such as Go Ask Alice or Scarleteen to find more information.

Your child might not have questions immediately. Let them know you’re available to talk in the future, even if it’s over text or email. This gives you a chance to find answers!

Provide a list of baby steps

You don’t need to walk your child through using a toy, but encourage reading the manual and online guides for ideas. Mention erogenous zones such as the penis, vagina, anus, perineum, and nipples. Don’t forget the clitoris, which sexologists have found that most women prefer to be stimulated to orgasm. Clitoral stimulation may be less daunting to start with, too.

The knowledge that orgasm isn’t the goal of sexual activity has lifelong benefits. Exploration and pleasure can be achieved without an orgasm. It’s your teen’s right to try to orgasm if they want to, but it’s not a requirement.

Suggest that they allow themselves time and privacy to become aroused and inform them of the benefits of lube, offering to buy it with your teen’s first sex toy. Provide your child with the instructions for how to properly clean sex toys to prevent bacterial infection.

How to choose the right time for conversation?

Whether you want to address your teen’s first sex toy or think it’s time to bring up teen vibrators, you want the conversation to be low pressure. To achieve this, start the conversation when you have time, privacy, and cool heads. Watching a movie, driving, or preparing dinner might all be good options; although, some teens might feel “trapped” if you do it in the car. You know your child best!

Help Choose The Right Vibrator

With so many options for buying sex toys, choosing one can be a daunting task for even adults. There aren’t really sex toys for teens specifically. Your best option is something affordable and versatile that lets your teenager experiment without leaving a hole in your wallet if they don’t like it.

A bullet vibrator like VibePlanet’s Scarlet can stimulate almost any external body part, including the clitoris and nipples.

Another option is an internal vibrator, which is designed for internal /G-spot stimulation but can also be used externally, or a dual stimulator such as Monah, a modern rabbit vibrator.

Look for friendly, inviting designs of small to average size (stick to around 5 inches long and 1.5 inches in diameter or less) rather than overly-large, realistic toys that might be intimidating.

If looking for a masturbator for a penis, a reusable stroker may be the way to go. However, a one-time-use toy such as a Tenga Egg is also a good option if your teen isn’t sure what they’ll like. Something small, discreet, and easy to clean should do the trick. There’s no need to break the bank. After your teen’s first sex toy, they might want something different, but we all have to start somewhere.

Check out reviews. Plenty of bloggers and vloggers offer in-depth reviews. Videos can be beneficial for understanding the size of a toy. If there’s any chance your teen will use it anally, it must have a flared base (and be cleaned after anal play before vaginal use).

You can suggest your child picks out a few toys and can narrow them down if any of their choices are inappropriate. Once the toy arrives, ask if your teen wants to examine it together. Otherwise, let them explore the teenage sex toy at their own pace.


While talking about or even buying a sex toy for your teen might seem odd at first, it’s actually an opportunity to teach your teen about sexual agency and bodily autonomy. Doing so will enable your teen to make lifelong healthy decisions and avoid bad sex and unfulfilling relationships. A little research and the right attitude help you navigate these tricky conversations, which may prove to be a bonding moment between you and your teen. As a parent, you know best, however. It’s up to you to know when or even if it’s a good idea to buy your teen a sex toy and to provide them with the right information if you decide it’s time.

Is sexercise a thing? Should you think of sex as exercise? It’s not unusual to sweat, feel tired, and hungry after a long, pleasurable sexual experience. Are the calories burned during sex significant enough to classify sex as a workout?

These are a few of the questions any sexually active person might ask. After all, we all know that we work out our bodies during sex. However, do we perform enough physical activity to consider sex for exercise? Read on to find out more about the relationship between sex and exercise.

Is Sex Considered Exercise?

Sex is not only a pleasurable activity but one that also entails physical activity- whether mild or intense. Elevated breathing, rapid heartbeats, increased blood pressure, sweating, and some cases muscle pulls, are consequences of sex and physical exercise.

However, how can we compare sex to exercise? To answer this question, researchers organized a study where they monitored the effect of sex on cardiovascular activity among both male
and female participants. There were 13 women in the study aged 51 (+ or – 7 years).
The study monitored the heart rates (HR) and systolic blood pressure (BP) of the participants on a treadmill and during sex at home. In the women’s results, the HR was 64%, and the
systolic BP was 75% of the average rates on the treadmill. In other words, physical activity on the treadmill was more
strenuous. However, sex does produce moderate physical stress.

So, is sex an exercise? Yes and No. Sex is a type of workout, but it cannot act as a replacement for other activities. During sex, your body works at an elevated rate, as would happen during exercise. However, sex doesn’t yield enough physiological stress to become your primary source of physical activity.

How Many Calories Does Sex Burn?

In a study dubbed the “Energy Expenditure During Sexual Activity in Young Healthy Couples”, researchers studied 21 heterosexual couples to determine the calories burned during sex in kilocalories (kCal). The study measured the ‘metabolic equivalent of task’ (METS) to compare energy expended during different activities. Participants wore smart bands that monitored activity on treadmills and during sexual activity at home.

The results show that men burned 101 kCal or 4.2 kCal per minute while women burned 69 kCal or 3.1 kCal per minute at an average of 5.8 METS during sex. On the other hand, men burned 276 kCal or 9.2 kCal per minute while women burned 213 kCal or 7.1 kCal per minute at 8.4 METs from a 30-minute treadmill exercise at moderate intensity. From the results, sex burns calories similar to those burned during moderate exercise.

Sex As Cardio

Cardio exercises, also known as cardiovascular exercises, are aerobic physical activities. During these exercises, your body maximizes the use of oxygen in the body. As you move large muscles, the heart rate increases. When you optimize cardio exercises, your body utilizes oxygen efficiently, burns more calories, and builds endurance.

While sitting, your heart rate can be anywhere between 60 and 100 beats per minute. Ideally, your target HR should be 50-70% of your maximum HR during moderate physical activity and 70-85% of your maximum HR for intense physical activity. The average heart rate during sex is 100-130 beats per minute, equivalent to walking, jogging, or taking a bike ride. As for the oxygen consumption, the average rate is 3.5 METS, equivalent to performing a foxtrot or raking leaves.

Therefore, does sex count as cardio? Yes- if you’re raising your cardiovascular levels. However, the intensity is not adequate to provide significant results. An average male may burn four more calories during sex than sitting, but that’s equivalent to them walking. This means that using sex as exercise may require more time.

You need to increase the amount of time you spend during the act to use sex as cardio exercise. You can also boost the results of sex by preparing for sex. For example, you can activate your pelvic floor muscles through kegels.

Sex As Strength Training

Strength training is an essential part of the overall exercise. It strengthens your muscles, improves calorie burning, and helps you manage your weight. You can do strength training with your body weight, resistance bands, free weights, and weight machines.

If you’re hoping to gain strength through sexercise, you must subject your muscles to resistance and weights during sex. In most cases, you may fail. What’s more, you need intense sessions longer than 20-30 minutes, with sufficient movement for the muscles you intend to strengthen.

What About Masturbation?

Are you planning to get off tonight? You’re going to relieve sexual tension and flood your body with feel-good hormones. However, your calorie burn won’t be as intense as during sex. Masturbation mainly involves lying, sitting, or standing in the same position, with arm and leg movement. You can also bounce in place, but this would require the assistance of tools such asdildos. If you are using vibrating sex toys, you can reduce your hand movement.

To enjoy any calorie burning, you have to keep your heart rate up for an extended period. This could mean arousing yourself to increase your heart rate but holding off the orgasm as long as you can.

The Relationship Between Sex and Working Out

One of the major reasons sex isn’t considered a workout is the period. You can have sex in as little as five minutes, which is barely sufficient for a warm-up. Therefore, to use sex as an exercise, you need to increase the duration. Kegels are a great way to activate pelvic floor muscles and boost endurance and orgasms.

There’s a catch 22- if you want to build your endurance in the bedroom, you need to exercise more. Your cardiovascular endurance and strength translate to sexual activity. Fortunately, you can use exercise to boost sex drive. Increasing your libido means you’ll have a desire for more sexual activity.

Best Workout Sex Positions

  • Missionary: The missionary position strengthens the core and buttocks whether you’re thrusting or receiving the thrusts. If you’re on top, you need to engage your arms, core, and legs to stabilize yourself and thrust, and if you’re at the bottom, you need to prevent too much bounce back.
  •  Cowgirl: Riding your partner’s penis, strapped dildo, or using a supported dildo exercises your lower limbs. You engage your butt, legs, and pelvic muscles as you move up and down.
  •  Scissoring: You need core stabilization and leg muscle to coordinate movement as you scissor your partner.
  •  Arch: Use this position to lift your partner’s lower body off the mattress while their upper body lies on the bed. This position engages your arm muscles and the core, glutes, and thighs to thrust.
  •  Standing: This position requires superior strength because you need to support your partner’s entire body weight as you thrust.

Is Sex a Good Workout?

We can conclude that we can’t rely solely on sex to meet our move goals but it’s an important part of our regular fitness routine.

If you’re curious about the wondrous world of sex with toys or have used them during your single days, you may want to introduce them to your relationship. If you’re looking for ways to spice up your sex life or want to make your orgasms more intense but don’t know quite how to tell your partner.

However, introducing sex toys to a partner that misunderstands the next level of sexual satisfaction is possible by adding them to your routine. You may be embarrassed as coming across as “too kinky” or don’t want to cultivate feelings of inadequacy in your partner. Fortunately, there are ways to introduce your partner to explore sex toys for both your benefit.

Couple Sex Toys Are An Addition, Not A Replacement

If there are several elephants in the room, introducing sex toys as additions, not replacements, is the biggest of them all. There are many myths about using toys during sex that require debunking before using sex toys in bed. Many people believe that sex toys are for single people. However, studies show that both single women and women in partnered sex are familiar with using sex toys. Learning that your partner likes using adult toys can be exciting and overwhelming at the same time.

Another myth is that penis and vagina sex don’t need the help of sex toys and that sex toys replace the penis-haver in the relationship. This fear is often accompanied by the belief that a partner has to outperform the sex toy or that you have been having unsatisfactory sex. The fear is further fueled by ideas that female empowerment is detrimental to heterosexual relationships or a lack of self-esteem by the male partner.

However, a study dubbed “Prevalence and characteristics of vibrator use by men in the United States” shows that 44.8% of men had used sex toys in their sex lives. In the context of cisgender heterosexual men with women, one study found that most men used vibrators during sex with their female partners. Not only is bringing toys into the bedroom common, but it is also proved to be beneficial for both partners. Couples who used sex toys reported healthier sex lives and positive effects on sexual desire, arousal, erectile function, lubrication, and the ability to achieve faster and stronger orgasms.

Using sex toys in a relationship is not a replacement of any partner, neither does it signify a lack of capacity by either partner. Sex toys act as additions to your sex life to enhance the experience. The most important thing to remember is that sex is a shared experience between you and your partner. A sex toy cannot cuddle and talk. It can only be used as a tool to improve the sensations you already feel when your partner touches you.

Pave The Way For These Kind Of Talks

Introducing sex toys to your relationship requires a healthy foundation. Ask yourself the following questions:

  • How frequently do you and your partner have sex?
  • Can you have sex anywhere in the house (if you have the house to yourselves)?
  • Do you and your partner talk about sex or share kinky thoughts freely?
  • Have you introduced changes to your sex life before, and if yes, how did your partner respond?

If you’re still struggling to talk about sex freely, or if your partner shuts down sexual conversations, it may not be time to talk about using sex toys during sex. Try and talk about sex more often and learn what your partner thinks about sex.

Once you’re talking about sex, sexting each other, and being intimate in different parts of your home, for example, you may feel it’s a better time to introduce the sex toy conversation. Be open about your desires, and encourage your partner to participate in fulfilling them. This way, once you broach the “partner sex toys” talk, your partner will think of sex toys as a fun way to enjoy intimate moments.

Do Your Own Research & Be Specific

You definitely have people in your life that you can have sex toy conversations with. And it can be so fun! However, be sure to do your own research. Having accurate information is the best way to fight the fear of the unknown. The following tips are beneficial for any beginner.

  • Never compromise on safety: Anything that is going into your body and coming into contact with your genitals should be safe for use. All your sex toys should be made from body-safe and non-porous materials. Glass, steel, and silicone are easy to clean before and after sex to ensure sexual health.
  • Go for vibes: Modern vibrators have multiple intensity modes, providing way more scope for the imagination than an average non-vibrating toy. They can be easily controlled and incorporated into partner play to provide the stimulation you need.
  • Keep it simple: Until you’ve felt your way in the sex toys market, there’s no need to complicate things. Consider good ol’ classic items that will less likely be just gathering dust in your drawer and are easy to use for both you and your partner. Vibeplanet provides excellent, classy beginner sex toys for couples.

How To Best Approach The Sex Toy Talk

Now that you’ve looked into sex toy myths and found several partner sex toys you’d like to try, it’s time to have the sex toy conversation finally. Sex coach Portia Brown recommends the following when having a couple sex toy conversation with your partner.

Don’t Have The Sex Talk In The Bedroom.

Your bedroom is your haven. It’s the space where you and your partner come together and enjoy sex. No matter how tempting it is, do not have the conversation in the bedroom or before and after sex. It’s best to have sex conversations in casual settings such as the living room, kitchen, or car. Your partner may feel inadequate or attacked if you have this discussion in the bedroom. Begin the talk when you are both relaxed so that you can have a productive convo.

Start With Affirmations

Begin the conversation by setting a positive mood. Praise your partner, tease them, and offer a compliment about their sex game. Affirmations are a great way to remind your partner that you enjoy having sex with them and reduce insecurities that may affect the sex toy conversation.

Talk About How The Sex Toy Benefits Both Of You

Remember that you and your partner are in a relationship. When you suggest using sex toys in a relationship, they need to appeal to both partners. You could recommend sex toys as a means of making their work easier when they go down on you or helping you reach an orgasm. The benefit could be as easy as your partner watching you enjoy yourself. It helps to use the information they shared about their kinks at this time and explain how sex toys may bring the kinks to life.

Give Your Partner Time To Think About It

You had enough time to research, think through the matter, and approach your partner. It’s important to give your partner time to think about your proposal and then respond. You want your partner to feel that bringing sex toys into the bedroom is a mutual decision instead of a selfish one.

Don’t Give Up

What if you talk, but your partner says no? It’s disheartening but not a reason to give up. Perhaps your partner needs more information and convincing about sex toys. Find out what their insecurities are and respond to each of their questions. Remind them that bedroom sex toys are in no way a replacement or a projection of your discontent with your relationship.

Take Time To Choose Together

Finding the perfect sex toys for you and your partner is a process that takes time and multiple tries. Once you confirm that you are both on the same page, start experimenting with small toys until you find something that works for both of you. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to find the perfect toy on the first try. Most importantly, remember to be collaborative during the research and use of the toy to make your sexual relationship stronger.


Using sex toys in a relationship is an exciting way to spice up your sex life. You can play with sex toys during both planned and spontaneous sex. There are multiple sex toys that you can try with your partner, including those that give them control of your orgasm. There’s absolutely no reason not to try a sex toy with your partner. Don’t forget the lube!

Solo sex or masturbation is most often a taboo subject, especially for vulva-havers. Before exiting the teenage years, the average penis-haver will have learned the best tips for masturbation. However, the average person assigned female at birth is often unaware of how to self-pleasure. As a result, it often bars them from enjoying (early) the benefits of self-pleasure.

This article seeks to rectify that anomaly. Here, you will find the various options to explore during solo sex. Bear in mind that just like sex, self-pleasure comes in different shades and variants. Thus, we will also be exploring the many combinations you can explore.


Why Solo Sex?

Why Solo Sex

The answer for this seems fairly obvious. However, a lot of vulva-havers are still skeptical about the benefits of solo pleasure. Below are the reasons you may want to explore solo sex.


If you have ever wondered how to give yourself an orgasm, solo sex might just be it. Self-pleasuring allows you to explore your body without a partner being present. Self-satisfaction then may only come through solo sex.

Health Benefits

Isn’t it great to learn that you could be positively impacting your health through masturbation? When you pleasure yourself, feel-good hormones release in your brain. These include dopamine and oxytocin. Also, orgasm could help strengthen your pelvis. Self-pleasure benefits also include the fact that it is one form of safe sex. You will not stand the risk of contracting a sexually transmitted disease.

Improving the Quality of Sex

Self-pleasure tips typically help to improve your sex life. In the first place, you will get to identify your erogenous zones and what works and what doesn’t. Also, masturbation could help improve your partnered sex. It may help to direct your partner to the things that please you. Thus, learning how to please yourself can lead to amazing sex eventually.


Solo Sex Positions

Just like in regular sexual intercourse, solo sex has several positions to be explored. It may take a few tries to settle on the one that works just right for you. However, there is no hurry. These positions include:

The Old-fashion Lying on Your Bank

Solo Sex Positions

Excellent for clitoral stimulation when engaging in self-sex is one of the most effective because of how simple it is. Lie flat on your back with your legs splayed in the air for this style. You can then rub your clitoris, increasing the tempo as you like.


An almost guaranteed way of achieving orgasm for vulva-havers, like the previous position, squatting is a comfortable position to practice masturbation. It can also be a helpful way to find your g-spot located along your vaginal wall. To try it out, try the following: squat down until the heels of your feet touch your thighs. Then use your fingers or a toy to touch yourself in a pleasurable way. 

The Reflected Gaze

The Reflected Gaze

This solo sex position is great for anyone looking to explore their body. It involves engaging in solo sex while standing before a mirror. Explore your erogenous zones while staring at your reflection. Admiring yourself can be a huge turn-on. You may want to smear lube all over your body or even use sex toys. For people assigned female at birth, the idea of exploring in this way may seem awkward, but it is worth a try.

The Doggy

Doggy is one of the most popular sex positions. However, you can modify it for self-pleasure. You may want to try out this masturbation idea if you are into anal play. Try lying face down on the bed and reach for your anus with one hand and your clitoris with the other. Massage both at the same time. This solo sex position opens you up to so much pleasure.


How to Have Solo Sex

First off, it is important to establish that there is no one route to self-pleasure. In learning to give yourself pleasure, the focus should be on the trials and not necessarily the climax. Thus, this could mean that you may have to try out a couple of options before settling on the one for you. The tips and suggestions below serve as a generic guide.



In discovering how to satisfy yourself, you must be comfortable. Hence, the first thing is to relax. Try not to be tensed or stressed and intentionally clear your mind. Listen to music, engage in mediation, take a hot bath, or perhaps after exercising. The idea is to find ways to loosen the knots in your muscles.

Learn How to Finger Yourself

There are right and wrong ways of fingering when engaging in solo sex. Your movements should be slow and sensual. Apart from concentrating on the clitoris, you may want to pay attention to the areas around it. Also, do not ram your fingers (or balled fist) into your vagina. If you must go fast, ease into it slowly.

Invest in “Masturbation” Items

Invest in "Masturbation" Items

When learning how to pleasure ourselves, we may need some help. Gadgets and items that foster climax, for example, any items that help set the mood. Use pillows and blankets to create a masturbation zone. These allow you to be comfortable throughout the session.

Sex toys and other gadgets are another way to stimulate your desire. There are several on the market, made explicitly with vulva-havers in mind. Beyond that, if you have kinks or fetishes, you will find some that will catch your fancy.

Discover Your Erogenous Zones

Erogenous zones are the specific body parts that give you the most pleasure. Think of maybe your nipples, thighs, etc. It varies from one person to the next. Discover yours.

Go Slow

One advantage of going solo is that you can regulate things at your pace. Thus, make sure to go slow. Take the time to build up the tension for an explosive finish.


Sexual satisfaction is not a myth. As a vulva-haver, you could even attain this satisfaction all on your own. This article shows you how.

No one’s jazzed about Valentine’s Day. You buy your partner a present because you think you have to, even when they whip out the, “Seriously, you don’t have to get me anything” line. Obviously, you’re going to get them something; you’re not a monster.

If you’re stuck on what to get your partner for Valentine’s Day, whether you’ve been together six months or six years, here are some hot gift ideas for your beloved one: 


Intimate Toys

Intimate Toys

Everyone loves a good toy–vulva-havers and non. Don’t be afraid to ask your partner what they’re interested in. You can get super kinky with handcuffs and whips or keep it simple with a good ol’ vibrator. 

You really can’t go wrong with a vibrator. It’s great for solo and couple play (which we love) and bonus: your partner will think of you every time they use it. I’d recommend a few from Vibeplanet. For premium toys, they’re quite affordable. They’re made with high-quality materials so you don’t have to worry about your downstairs feeling funky. Plus, their low noise level ensures your privacy. 

There’s the Scarlet, a travel-friendly vibrating bullet. It’s pocket-sized so you can take it virtually anywhere. It’s great for beginners because of its precise tip. No orgasm left behind.

You could try the Monah, a rabbit vibrator, made with non-porous, safe silicon material. Its two heads deliver super intensive pleasure. Like they say, two heads are better than one. 

If you really want a top-notch orgasm, check out the Wandah, a powerful wand massager that delivers intense stimulation. It’s quiet and goes a long time with just one charge, so once you pop, the fun don’t stop. 

Now go get freaky. 




Sending your partner to a spa isn’t really an option right now, but that doesn’t mean you’re out of luck. Bringing a masseuse to your home is an option. You don’t have to get crazy and hire the guy who does Edris Elba; anyone licensed will do. Or, even more fun, give your partner a rub down yourself (complete with a happy ending, of course). 


Something Homemade

If you’re on a budget but set on hooking up your partner with a hot Valentine’s Day gift, DIY gifts are where it’s at. Sexy Jenga is an easy one. Write a steamy dare on each block, giving yourselves the opportunity to try new things. 

Similar to sexy Jenga, create a “sex coupon” book full of spicy things to try in the bedroom. Your partner can cash these in when you’re both feeling frisky. 

If your partner likes solving riddles, scavenger hunts are a fun idea. Leave clues around the house to guide them to their sexy surprise. Up the antics and set a time limit. Bonus points if they solve it in time 😉


Edible Intimacy Products

I’m sure you’ve heard of edible panties, lube, and other intimacy products, but have you ever tried one? If not, there’s no better time than Valentine’s Day. It’s the best day of the year to really get creative in the bedroom. Again, talk to your partner to get some ideas of what they’d like. If they’re not interested in any of those, you can surprise them with products you may already have around the house, like whipped cream or chocolate syrup and dig in. 




An idea if you’re looking for a more “cute” Valentine’s Day gift. I know giving flowers seems overdone and unoriginal, but flowers are timeless. They’re classy and easily accessible in case you forgot to get your partner a gift (it happens). Flowers are perfect for newer relationships too. It relieves the “we-just-started-dating-what-do-I-get-you-that-doesn’t-scare-you-off-or-make-you-disappointed” pressure. Add a bottle of champagne and you’re ready to go.




It’s like a vacation, but without having to go anywhere. Because of the pandemic, hotels aren’t an option now either, but they can be super expensive anyway (and they don’t wash the top sheet). Staying home means washed sheets, no overpriced mini bars, and WiFi that actually works. Another perk is you don’t need to waste time on lame tourist sites. You can spend the weekend drinking wine in the bath and having sex in every room in the house. 


An Experience

I think it’s expected to get people physical gifts, but experiences are something you two can do together as a couple. See a magic show, take a hot yoga class, go horseback riding (these suggestions aren’t for everyone, but you get it). Most major cities have websites showing what’s going on that week, so I’d suggest checking those first. It doesn’t matter what the experience is; as long as you’re doing it together (unless it’s jail time). 


Sexy-time Inspiration

It’s not easy to think up new positions (unless you’re a Scorpio, obviously). Once you’ve got the basics down, you pretty much have a standard rotation. An oldie but a goodie, Kama Sutra can help you put some spice back in the bedroom. It has tons of photos for position inspiration when you’re tired of missionary. If you start at 3 pm, you can probably get through most of the book by morning. 


Subscription Box

Subscription Box

A subscription box is the Valentine’s Day gift that keeps on giving. Every month, your partner gets a new box of goodies. It’s basically like having Christmas all year. If your partner’s into cooking, take a look at some food subscription boxes. If they love fitness, check out a lifestyle box. And for the vulva-havers in your life, there are subscriptions to make their “time of the month” a lot easier. What can’t capitalism do?


Naughty Calendar

One of the juiciest presents, your partner will go crazy when they open a calendar full of your naughtiest photos. Just make sure the site allows you to print x-rated photos (trust me: you don’t want them ending up at the photo counter of a drugstore). 


Shopping for Valentine’s Day can be stressful, but it doesn’t have to be. This list has plenty of gift ideas whether you’re looking for something hot, cute or something in between. Remember, Valentine’s Day is just one day. Make sure you’re showing your partner some love every day of the year.

In the conversation about sex, the focus is often solely on the benefits of having sex. Alternatively, the internet is filled with tips on how to have great sex and maximize pleasure. However, few persons pay attention to the connection between the neurological system and sex. The experience is unique for vulva-havers and penis-havers, which calls for more attention to the subject. Beyond that, though, understanding the relationship between the two could lead to improved sex life.

Is Sex Good for the Brain?

There is still a lot left unexplored about what happens to the brain during sex. A good deal of research has gone into this because there are differences in what happens to the brain for penis-havers and vulva-havers during sex. Additionally, it is possible to notice key differences in how the brain reacts during partnered sex and solo sex. For both groups, the brain gets some stimulus during sex. Furthermore, the emotional states of the mind get affected, too.

There exist verified reports that rubbing the penis, whether during masturbation or by a partner, affects the posterior insula of penis-havers. The secondary somatosensory cortex located in the right hemisphere of the brain is also affected.

Both the insula and the somatosensory cortex are responsible for regulating pain. This invariably means that the sensations felt during sex is tied to either pain or pleasure. This is especially the case for penis-havers.

There are also marked differences between partnered sex and solo sex. Solo sex involves situations where a person self-pleasures and achieves sexual satisfaction on their own. Partnered sex, on the other hand, involves having sex with someone else. The brain acknowledges the third party in the mix during partnered sex, leading to a more pleasurable experience.


What Does Sex Do to the Female Brain?

What Does Sex Do to the Female Brain

The state of the brains of vulva-havers has fascinated researchers for years, partly due to the peculiar nature of people assigned female at birth. Their anatomy, being different from that of their counterparts, have often been the subject of curiosity. Accordingly, there have been different misconceptions about how their brains react during sex and after achieving orgasm. However, scientists have carried out some extensive research, reaching some consensus about the nature of sexual interaction of the brain when vulva-havers engage in sex.

During the research, ten vulva-havers had their responses to self-stimulation and partnered stimulation sampled. An MRI machine tracked their brain’s responses during the peak of these activities and at the beginning of the sexual stimulations.

The outcome of the analysis was quite simple. The scientist discovered some buildup of activity in the brain towards orgasm. The brain activity got to the highest during climax and slowly ebbed afterward. The brain sections with the most sensations were emotional and reward centers, including the area responsible for motor skills, too.

One clear fact now is that penis-havers experience more pain than vulva-havers when having sex. There is a simple explanation for this phenomenon. The reason for this is because the dorsal nucleus of vulva-havers is more excited towards orgasm. This excitement is important because this section of the brain has the duty of producing serotonin, the feel-good hormone. Serotonin also tamps down on pain. Hence, vulva-havers do not feel pain as much.

Another minor detail befuddles medical researchers about the process, too, which is the difference witnessed in the nucleus cuneiformis when vulva-havers have sex. Cuneiformis is the brain section that enables humans to control feelings of pain. Researchers disagree about the reason for this burst of activity. However, it is certain that for vulva-havers, it helps block out the pain.


What Chemicals are Released When You Have Sex?

What Chemicals are Released When You Have Sex

Before, during, and after sexual intercourse, the human body toils to secrete some chemicals. The chemicals the body produces account for the way the human body reacts to intercourse. Hence, the sensitivity of your nipples and the flushes of different body parts are because of these chemicals.

Some of these chemicals include:

  • Serotonin

This chemical gets released during the preparatory stages of sex. Because of this chemical, you get excited at the thought of having sex with your partner.

  • Adrenaline

This chemical controls the fight or flight response of the body. Common indicators include an increased heartbeat and increased blood pressure. It shows up during sex because the fear and pleasure centers of the brain are close. The brain, sometimes, fails to make the distinction.

  • Norepinephrine

It is okay if you haven’t heard about this chemical before – it is generally uncommon. This chemical is released during sex and not before or after. It stimulates you to have sex and is responsible for dilated pupils and sweaty palms during sexual intercourse.

  • Oxytocin

You must have heard of this chemical. Ideally, you can feel a burst of oxytocin, even when not actively having sex. However, this chemical, also released during kissing or cuddling, gets to its peak just before orgasm. It remains in the bloodstream for some time after that. 


Sex Hormones

Sex Hormones

Hormones constitute the chemical messengers the body has due to their role in transmitting impulses. Their primary job is to control impulses like appetite, growth, and even sexual development – the latter are called sexual hormones. The endocrine glands secrete them.

The common sex hormones for vulva-havers are estrogen, progesterone, and negligible amounts of testosterone. The most known of them all is estrogen and, together with progesterone, occupies a key place throughout all the stages of conception. Having a low amount of both may result in an anomaly.

A great deal of research has gone into ascertaining the true nature and role of hormones during sex. Even though these hormones are not present during sex, they influence it. For people raised female, hormones regulate how they respond to sexual stimulation. When stimulated, these hormones help the vagina get moisturized, increasing the possibility of vaginal orgasm.


Does Sex Release Dopamine?

Dopamine is known as the reward chemical of the body. It is referred to a reward hormone because it causes one to feel pleasure when you carry out an activity you like. Hence, it accounts for the ‘good’ feeling you have when you eat your favorite chocolate bar.

The ventral tegmental area found in the brain has the duty of releasing dopamine. From there, it spreads to different areas, such as the nucleus accumbens and prefrontal cortex.

During sexual intercourse, it is usual for the brain to release dopamine. It gets to the highest point during climax and is the origin of what is known as “dopamine sex.” The positive experience is why you would go back to a partner after having sex with them once.


Sex and Endorphins

Sex and Endorphins

The Central Nervous System, pituitary gland, and hypothalamus all secrete endorphins in different quantities. This hormone is well known for increasing (sexual) satisfaction, boosting self-image, and reducing pain. The locations where this chemical is released gets activated when you carry out specific activities. Thus, it is usual to feel a rush of endorphins while exercising or undergoing a massage. Foods like chocolates can also trigger it.

The key question, however, is, can sex release endorphins? Just like the case with dopamine, sex releases endorphins.

The brain fails to make distinctions between pleasurable activities. This means that the pleasure centers that get turned on during drug use also get activated during intercourse. Is it then possible that you could get addicted to engaging in intercourse? Most likely. But, in truth, it wouldn’t be sex addiction, but rather an addiction to the satisfaction sex gives you. 


Can Sex Affect You Mentally?

There are several benefits you will enjoy from having regular sex. However, in the vast majority of cases, the impact sex could have on mental health is often neglected. Below are the bonus mental health rewards from sex:


  • Eliminating Stress

On its own, stress may not be of major concern medically. However, it can act as a precursor to several other debilitating medical conditions. Hence, it is important to eliminate stress in all its forms.

Research reveals that physical intimacy with one’s partner could act as a stress reliever.


  • Increasing Cognitive Ability

Weirdly, having regular sex could potentially increase your mental energy because a huge portion of the brain gets activated in the heat of the moment. Hence, reliving those memories ramps up analytical and cognitive skills.


  • Sex is Invigorating

The plastic surgery and cosmetic industry booms yearly because folks are in constant pursuit of youth. Hence, they spend a lot trying to look and feel younger than their ages. Surprisingly, sex can achieve this as both partners burn calories during sex. Sex is an alternative form of exercise!


  • Increases self-esteem

You will be surprised at the impact having sex could have on your self-esteem. Generally, almost everyone is having sex. So when you aren’t, especially when it isn’t a personal choice, it could affect your view of self.


Certainly, a lot goes on in the neurological centers when you have sex. Of course, the idea is not to keep you wondering what those activities are, but to keep you in the know. While you have sex and perhaps attain orgasm, bear in mind the alterations, your body might be undergoing in that instant. This conversation gives you a full account of these changes.

A lot of couples struggle with their sex lives. The typical problems include an inability to achieve sexual satisfaction due to a variety of reasons. This problem affects vulva-havers than penis-havers. This is because of the unique condition of the anatomy of people assigned female at birth.

If this is your situation, then you have nothing to worry about. Scores of people like you have struggled with this challenge and somehow managed to overcome it. One sure way they achieved this is through using sex toys. An example of one of such toys that have been hailed to be efficacious is a wand massager.


Wand Massager

This article will explore what this tool is, the function it carries out, and how you can use it to achieve maximum pleasure.

What is a Wand Massager?

A wand massager is a very popular sex toy. It consists of a handle with a ball attached to its end. The ball rotates, giving the vibrating motion from which the magic wand massager got its name from. For some wands, the vibrating comes from the handle directly.

Wand massagers have a peculiar history that is tied to the feminist movement. Prior to the time they gained mainstream acceptance, sex toys, especially those designed for vulva-havers, were considered taboo subjects.

The wand was first marketed as a home appliance typically used by vulva-havers. Considering that in the early sixties, people assigned females at birth held sway over their home, it was easy to deceive penis-havers about the true nature and uses of the wand massagers. These personal massager wands were first used to unknot sore muscles. You can thus make use of it as a massaging tool. The sex toy has since gained mainstream popularity and is now mostly used for clitoral stimulation.

At the moment, wand massagers exist in different forms. You can get handheld wand massagers, waterproof wand massagers, and so on.

How Does a Massage Wand Work?

If you are worried that you do not know how the wand massager works, you need not be. A wand operates by rotating the round head fixed on its long handle. There is an electric motor in the handle that powers the head, causing the vibrations. In some cases, the handle is directly attached to the motor, resulting in vibration. However, this type of wand is not quite popular because the rotation extends to the handle, resulting in an unpleasant feeling when you hold the toy.

Another key thing to pay attention to is that the wand has to be operated by a battery, except if it is an electricity-powered plug-in wand vibrator. The original wand massager was made to be plugged into a power source to make sure that the device functions optimally. However, plug-in wand vibrators are no longer in fashion now. The latest technology advanced this model giving much more features.

How Wand Massager Works

How to Use the Wand Massager

There are no complexities involved with using the magic wand. However, the level of satisfaction you get might be tied to how you use the massage wand. Here you can find the instructions on how to use one such wand. Keep in mind a few important things:

  • First, set the mood. Before you begin the sexual exploration, make sure that you set the tone. This could include making sure that the environment is ideal, listening, watching or reading erotic content, and so on.
  • Afterward, start slowly, taking it one spot after the other. You can start with your nipples and move downwards. It is your prerogative to increase or decrease the speed, depending on your preference.
  • Do understand that you can use the wand massager to try different sex positions. It works great for styles like missionary, open-legged spoon, or doggy.
  • When it comes to how to use a personal wand massager, the important thing is to learn how your body works and understanding what achieves the greatest satisfaction for you.


What are Massage Wands Used for?

Massage wands are principally used for two purposes: a tool for massage or a sex toy.

Massaging Tool

Wand Massaging Tool

Body wand massagers can be used to provide relaxing sensations for the body. The most powerful wand massagers, usually those powered with electricity, can generate such a wholesome feeling. If you are experiencing pains in your joints and muscles, a muscle wand massager or a sensual wand massager can be just what you need. As a vulva-haver, a wand massager is perfect to use after a workout.

Sex Toy

Wand Massager

Wand massagers can also be used as a vibrator. You can make use of the rotating head to stimulate your clitoris. Wand massagers are typically designed for external use only. You can use it on your nipple, clitoris, or even penis. However, you may also want to accessorize. There are several items you can attach to your wand massager to aid insertion into the internal orifices in the body. Imagine the pleasure you will enjoy with a sensual touch hand massager stimulating your g-spot.

Why Use a Sex Massage Wand?Wand Massager

As pointed out in the introduction, a lot of individuals struggle to attain sexual satisfaction. Introducing help is often the way to spice up your sexual adventures. In this regard, one “help” that has been proven effective is the wand toy.

You may be concerned about your partner, i.e., if you don’t make use of the wand solo. There is no need to be. A partner that has confidence in their sexual prowess will have no fear about their role being usurped by the wand sex toy. In any case, your satisfaction is primary. Thus, if the vibrator wand is what you need to achieve sexual satisfaction, then, by all means, go for it. 

If you want to go sole too, the wand sex toy is the ideal tool for you. It is perfect as a clit massager. Its long handle is just perfect, meaning that you do not have to strain to reach your clitoris. One thing to take note of, though, is that the wand toy is often huge. If you are starting out, you may want to try something less imposing. When your body has gotten comfortable with the smaller toys (s), you can proceed to get a wand vibrator.

Do understand that the vibrations from the wand are so powerful that you are almost always assured of an intense climax. This is quite important for vulva-havers who experience reduced stimulation, especially as they get older.


If you haven’t heard of, or aren’t currently using a wand massager, then you are missing a lot. This article shows you the benefits of the magic wand. Now, you can get to using it. 

Things Everyone Should Know About Oral Sex

Oral sex can be equally stimulating and intense for men and women. You can use it for a quickie session, seduction and arousal, and preparing for penetration. The best part is how exciting it can be, especially as a surprise on the sofa or kitchen.

Fortunately, there are several oral sex positions you can explore. What’s more, is that the hottest oral sex positions don’t always include toys. This means that you can work magic with parts of your body–the lips, tongue, and hands for extra action. Also, trying different oral sex positions can help you reach an orgasm and find out which angles are comfortable for you.

Oral Sex Positions for Her

While no guide exists for the best oral sex for women, flicking the clitoris, also known as the “bean,” is known to cause intense orgasms. Before jumping into different oral sex positions for women, ensure that the woman relaxes both mentally and physically.

The Standard

Try this on your sofa or bed, where you can watch as your partner delivers subtle and intense licking between your legs.

standard oral position for her

69 Position

Are you looking for a kinky oral sex position for women? How about giving and receiving head at the same time with a 69.

69 oral position

Face Sitting

Imagine the intensity of having your partner please you while you arch yourself over their face. The best part is that you can control the intensity.

face sitting oral position for her

Doggy Oral

To introduce some oral sex toys for women, try getting head from behind. It’s a great time to enjoy some anal stimulation while you focus your vibrator on your “bean.”

doggy oral position for her

Standing position

Getting head while standing and placing one leg on your partner’s shoulder is also hot for oral sex.

standing oral position for her

Oral Sex Positions for Him

Men also enjoy the best blowjob positions for extreme orgasms.


Nothing beats a sneaky blowjob in the kitchen when one partner sexily kneels to deliver passion.

standing oral position for him

Lying Flat On Bed

Try a morning session with one of the best blowjob positions for men. You can watch their head pace up and down while you hold their head.

lying flat oral position for him

The Standard

This is a favorite among oral sex positions for men. The receiver rests on a flat surface and bends their knees. This gives the giver sufficient interaction with the genitals.

standard oral position for him

Face Sitting

Watch your partner from above as they suck your penis while lying on the bed.

face sitting oral position for him

The 69

For kinky blowjob positions, try the 69.

69 oral position

Best Oral Sex Positions

The best oral sex positions for you can vary depending on your needs.

Start with the standard because it allows sufficient stimulation of all erogenous parts, with minimal effort from the receiver. There is sufficient access to all the genitals, and the partner can adjust your limbs while you guide their speed with your hand on their head.

You can never go wrong with some doggy oral, especially when rimming. As you intensify the licking on the anus, the receiver can place a vibrating toy on their perineum or clitoris or vagina.

Face-sitting also works well for oral sex for men and women. You can hold your partner’s neck while they give you oral sex or pile up a few pillows for proper neck support.

Lastly, pull a boss-chair move on your partner on the sofa or car seat for great oral sex. Plus, you can seduce your partner into it with some role-play!

You can try different oral sex positions with your partner for sexual excitement, emotional bonds, and orgasms.