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Intimate discord doesn’t lead married couples to divorce.

Marriages end for other reasons, ranging from financial, to the stresses of raising kids, to other unaligned values that are never addressed or agreed upon by the couple.  Straying from the marriage, and specifically cheating, does have the potential to end the relationship; however, it’s not likely to have resulted solely because the couple was at odds with their sexual relationship. But more to the point, women, in particular, don’t speak up enough about where they are with their bodies, such as admitting a low or nonexistent sex drive or, importantly, not being conscious of the things that are not working for them and communicating how to change it or make it better for themselves. Especially since doing such can sometimes carry the stigmatism of being selfish.

Depending on the amount of, and kind of, sex education had in the formative years,  women most often enter into marriage with no realistic expectation about sex, no righteous feeling to own their pleasure and no knowledge on how to communicate what they want and need.

We start off an intimate relationship with a lot of sex, spurred by the newness of the couple and unquenched desire for one another.  Then we become wrapped up in our lives and at some point, after years of settling into a routine and rhythm, the tide turns and one day you find that you are a couple in a non-existent sexual relationship.

How do you get it back to a lot of fun, exciting sex?

Try these 5 ways to take sex from bad to exceptional:

 1 – Redefine your sexual mindset

You are no longer who you were in your late teens and early twenties, or whenever you began learning about and having sex.  You are wiser, weirder and probably less wild. You are a different and better version of that person. Own it and find your new sexual self.

2 – Embrace your body

We can all take steps to eat better, exercise more and generally improve our self-care habits.  Focusing on these will help lead us to the reality that we make an effort to feel and look good, which will help our ability to accept that we need to continue working and embrace what we’ve accomplished with our health.

3 – Figure out how sex can be amazing every time

Do you like to get kinky, or role play?  What really turns you on? If you’re still reading this you’ve been undersexed for some time and getting to earth shattering can be easier than you think.  Find some sexual accessories – sex toys, bondage, audios or videos that get you in the mood.

4 – Commit to your orgasm.  It’s the ultimate objective

Taking care of your whole self – your mind, body and spirit will help you to reach ultimate satisfaction.  Take the opportunity to tune out your busy life and responsibilities so that you are in the moment and enjoying the sexual experience.  Meditation and masturbation can be great ways to get you going and inspire you to find release. Whether you have solo or partnered sex, make it count and commit to having sex frequently.

5 -Be and feel sexy

Many women say they have no idea how to be sexy.  Sexual liberation does not exist for the bulk of us and must be learned.  And today, because of and following the #metoo movement, sexual objectification is hardly tolerated.  But of course, if it is in your control and on your terms, finding and exposing your naughty side is exhilarating and satisfying.

Find it in you to practice these tips until they become values you own.  Sex is a natural human experience. Enhance your intimacy and your life.