There are many important conversations you’ll have with your kids as a parent. Unfortunately, it seems the most important conversations are often the hardest, especially when it comes to sex, a topic that isn’t often discussed openly. These conversations can be awkward, and it’s normal if you’re a bit apprehensive about them. However, you can discuss buying sex toys and teens and sex toys in a healthy and productive manner if you treat the subject of teenager’s sex toys right.
Should I Buy My Kid A Sex Toy?
If your teenager has expressed interest in trying a sex toy, then go ahead. Even if your teen hasn’t brought it up, you can start a conversation to determine if it’s right to buy a sex toy.
For those parents who don’t understand why someone would buy sex toys for teens, remember that:
- Solo exploration is often safer than partnered play.
- Masturbation helps people learn about their bodies and tastes without pressure.
- Conversations about sexuality and even buying sex toys can encourage education.
- There’s no connection between teen vibrators and sex. In fact, your child may know they’re not ready for partnered sex, even if they’re sexually curious.
What is the correct age for it?
Most parents know there is no universal age for anything. It all depends on your teen’s maturity level. The same is true for teens and vibrators or other sex toys. Some kids become aware of their sexuality well before their teen years, while others discover that side of themselves later. You’ll need to make that call.
There are some guidelines to follow. First, if your teen asks about sex toys or for you to buy sex toys, be willing to answer their questions, even if that means scheduling the conversation for a later date if you need to research ﬁrst. It’s also a good time to discuss sex toys if you’ve discovered a sex toy or an object such as an electric toothbrush that your child might use for sexual pleasure.
You can broach the subject of sex toys after seeing them on TV or make that moment happen by choosing a movie that discusses sex toys or vibrators for teens. Otherwise, many teens are mature enough to have the conversation by age 15 (or even earlier!), even if they’re not of legal age to buy sex toys.
Ideally, you’ve already discussed sexuality with your teen, who may have discovered the joy of self-stimulation as a toddler.
However, many parents struggle to recognize that their children are sexual and have to play catchup. There isn’t just one “sex talk.” It’s always a series of age-appropriate conversations.
What to do if you have found sex toys in your teen’s room
First and foremost, don’t freak out. Some parents make a big deal by placing the teenage sex toy in an obvious location or ambushing their child, who may already feel guilt about masturbating, about what they’ve found. But that’s not how you get them to open up. So leave the teen sex toy be, and discuss it later.
Of course, you might wonder how your teen got this toy and if they’re using it safely, so it’s smart to discuss teen vibrators rather than avoiding the topic of teens and sex toys.
Tips On How To Talk To Your Teenager About Vibrators
When talking to your teenager about other sex toys, your conversation should be a two-way street like most important conversations you’ll have with them. You can provide them with information, but it’s just as important to make space to ask questions about using or buying sex toys and talk about their feelings.
Be Sex Positive
Hopefully, you have a history of satisfying sex, so you’ll know the many beneﬁts of sex and masturbation. Remember that sexual curiosity is natural. Your teen may have been curious about their body for years.
Share your own stories, both good and bad. Did you receive the information you needed to make the right decisions about relationships or sex, or do you have regrets and want to help your teen avoid the same? You can gloss over the details, but you’re both human beings!
Normalize Sexuality in Subtle and Ongoing Ways
The “sex talk” is really an ongoing discussion, with each conversation opening the door to future ones. You may not cover every aspect of teens and vibrators, and that’s okay. Still, you want to ensure the basics are covered so you can discuss more in the future.
Normalize sexuality in your daily life by using sexuality in media as talking points, not responding negatively. If you hear someone being sex-negative, explain why this isn’t helpful. Let your teen see your romantic relationships as loving and sexual so that she will expect the same herself.
Be Easy Going
The best talks about sex, whether between a parent and child or two partners, are low-pressure. If you’re not sure how to bring up sex or a teen sex toy try the following.
- I saw something in your bedroom, and while it’s totally normal to want to explore your sexuality, I want to make sure you’re safe and healthy.
- I’m not sure if this would interest you, but some of your peers might be experimenting with sexuality. You can explore by yourself if that’s something you’re interested in.
- I was just wondering if you had any questions about sex or even masturbation? It’s more common for teens like yourself to use sex toys.
Your child may be surprised or not open to talking yet. Let them know that they don’t have to say anything; you just want to give them some basic advice such as using toys safely, with lube, choosing body-safe materials, and cleaning them thoroughly, especially if you’ve already found a young sex toy. Let your child know they can come to you with any questions.
Know when to back off. They may not be ready to talk about vibrators or may only want to hear information and not ask or answer any questions. It’s important not to badger your teenager.
Answer Any Questions
After providing information, let your teen know that you’re open to questions. Be honest that you don’t have all the answers but are willing to look them up. You could even research together or provide resources such as Go Ask Alice or Scarleteen to ﬁnd more information.
Your child might not have questions immediately. Let them know you’re available to talk in the future, even if it’s over text or email. This gives you a chance to ﬁnd answers!
Provide a list of baby steps
You don’t need to walk your child through using a toy, but encourage reading the manual and online guides for ideas. Mention erogenous zones such as the penis, vagina, anus, perineum, and nipples. Don’t forget the clitoris, which sexologists have found that most women prefer to be stimulated to orgasm. Clitoral stimulation may be less daunting to start with, too.
The knowledge that orgasm isn’t the goal of sexual activity has lifelong beneﬁts. Exploration and pleasure can be achieved without an orgasm. It’s your teen’s right to try to orgasm if they want to, but it’s not a requirement.
Suggest that they allow themselves time and privacy to become aroused and inform them of the beneﬁts of lube, offering to buy it with your teen’s ﬁrst sex toy. Provide your child with the instructions for how to properly clean sex toys to prevent bacterial infection.
How to choose the right time for conversation?
Whether you want to address your teen’s ﬁrst sex toy or think it’s time to bring up teen vibrators, you want the conversation to be low pressure. To achieve this, start the conversation when you have time, privacy, and cool heads. Watching a movie, driving, or preparing dinner might all be good options; although, some teens might feel “trapped” if you do it in the car. You know your child best!
Help Choose The Right Vibrator
With so many options for buying sex toys, choosing one can be a daunting task for even adults. There aren’t really sex toys for teens speciﬁcally. Your best option is something affordable and versatile that lets your teenager experiment without leaving a hole in your wallet if they don’t like it.
A bullet vibrator like VibePlanet’s Scarlet can stimulate almost any external body part, including the clitoris and nipples.
Another option is an internal vibrator, which is designed for internal /G-spot stimulation but can also be used externally, or a dual stimulator such as Monah, a modern rabbit vibrator.
Look for friendly, inviting designs of small to average size (stick to around 5 inches long and 1.5 inches in diameter or less) rather than overly-large, realistic toys that might be intimidating.
If looking for a masturbator for a penis, a reusable stroker may be the way to go. However, a one-time-use toy such as a Tenga Egg is also a good option if your teen isn’t sure what they’ll like. Something small, discreet, and easy to clean should do the trick. There’s no need to break the bank. After your teen’s ﬁrst sex toy, they might want something different, but we all have to start somewhere.
Check out reviews. Plenty of bloggers and vloggers offer in-depth reviews. Videos can be beneﬁcial for understanding the size of a toy. If there’s any chance your teen will use it anally, it must have a ﬂared base (and be cleaned after anal play before vaginal use).
You can suggest your child picks out a few toys and can narrow them down if any of their choices are inappropriate. Once the toy arrives, ask if your teen wants to examine it together. Otherwise, let them explore the teenage sex toy at their own pace.
While talking about or even buying a sex toy for your teen might seem odd at ﬁrst, it’s actually an opportunity to teach your teen about sexual agency and bodily autonomy. Doing so will enable your teen to make lifelong healthy decisions and avoid bad sex and unfulﬁlling relationships. A little research and the right attitude help you navigate these tricky conversations, which may prove to be a bonding moment between you and your teen. As a parent, you know best, however. It’s up to you to know when or even if it’s a good idea to buy your teen a sex toy and to provide them with the right information if you decide it’s time.